Which made me think that, despite the fact that we know about the basic variants of “I can’t even”, as discussed here many months ago:
I can’t even.
I cannot even.
I am unable to can.
I am unable to even.
I have lost the ability to can.
I have lost the ability to even.
Can we just not
Things I can’t even
I am all out of can
I don’t even
You need to not
What even (is this)
There are definitely more elaborate versions, but how intricate can one get? I’ll start us off with a few examples that I’ve either used myself or with friends (thanks, email corpus!):
I’ve lost all ability to can.
The world seemed to have lost the ability to can.
So emotional…I can’t even. Maybe I’ll even tomorrow.
Successfully regained my ability to even! I’m quite good at evening!
Would you say you’ve lost the ability to even even?
I seem to have temporarily misplaced my ability to can.
My ability to even continues to send me out-of-office emails.
I just got out of a meeting, so now I can stop evening. (This one possibly ungrammatical due to confusion with the time of day though? My interlocutor had a hard time parsing it, as did I for that matter but I sent it anyway.)
I also check the Corpus of Global Web-based English (GloWbE), but they only had a single example of the relevant type, from June 2012:
If the boys are going to collaborate with anyone it should be with someone who has a different sound compared to them….like a collaboration with bruno mars, would take away my ability to even. Xx (source)
(I also searched GloWbE for “ability to can” but I only got what I’m pretty sure were typos or results about canning food.)
I’ve love to see more examples though, and comments on how the various existing examples sound to you. Then perhaps we can figure out a conclusive theory on what makes someone able or unable to even. Grammatically, I mean.